Tuesday, April 2, 2013

A Farewell And A Return

Everyone faces tragedy in their lives; it is as inevitable as the sun rising or the leafs coming back in a few weeks. Regardless of inevitability, nothing can prepare you for some phone calls. This was the case, as I was teaching 2 weeks ago, and this is really the first time I have the time and mental-state to talk about it with anyone beyond those immediately affected.

With that being said, I want to start out by talking a little bit about mental illness/severe depression and my understanding of it. Most of us go throughout our days in cruise control. Somethings may take us out of our near zombie-like composure, whether it be something good or bad, but generally and in a short period of time, we are able to go right back to the way we were before. For those suffering from depression or mental illness, bad news or even any news, can put them into a downward spiral that they may not get out of.

For a friend of mine, I believe that moment happened several years ago, and he was never able to get out of it. Although my friend had support, I don't know if anything would have brought him back from his declining mental-state. No one knew how far down into darkness my friend was, and I believe this is the case for many, so when I got the call that he was gone, I was shocked. Sure, I knew there was something wrong, and that there were signs, but no one had prepared for or thought about the possibility that someone we loved would leave us.

So now, we are left wondering why? What could we have done differently? Did we do something wrong? Who is at fault? In the end, I don't think we will ever truly know, but what I do know is that I am left with a void in my life that will never be filled. I lost a great friend, and the world lost an even better person.

With all this in mind, I have now begun to refocus my individual efforts to better myself. I will continue to become better physically, but I also want to increase my mental strength and conviction. During the last few weeks, I allowed myself some slack, and my training suffered. This last week I attempted to get back into things, and I managed my first 20 mile run. Still. I could tell I wasn't as in-shape or prepared as I would. Hopefully, I can get totally back on track this week, especially in terms of my diet. This is all inconsequential in the grand scheme or things, but for my own happiness, I need the routine and normalcy. Hopefully I will be able to get back on a schedule with my blogging/writing as well. I apologize for my absence, but I am glad so many of you came looking for me; I was truly touched.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

12 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend! I know loss like that is never easy. I'm glad you took some time for this. You have many blog friends who are here for you if you need an ear to listen.

    Even though it was tough, congratulations on making it through your 20-mile run. You will continue to feel stronger, and get back in the groove.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My heart and thoughts go out to everyone involved and I am sorry to hear about your loss. I am happy to hear you are taking time to reflect and better yourself and I am here if you need me.

    Just from experience, the questions never stop and the answers never come but fond memories keep us moving along.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm really sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so, so sorry to hear about such a devastating loss.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh no :( I'm so sorry for your loss. Things like that do happen and are so unpredictable. The scary thing is that it actually happens quite often :(

    Make sure to take care of yourself and it's amazing that you're still keeping up with your running. It's a great de-stress activity and hopefully it'll help you cope.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can definitely relate as I went through a similar situation awhile ago. You do ask yourself so many questions but you can't think that you could have prevented it. Unfortunately it still would have happened. Again, I am so sorry and if you ever need anything, I'm here!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sorry for your loss. Like Kristen said, glad you took some time to deal with it and you know we are here if you need us. Way to go ont he 20 miler!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am so sorry for your loss. So sad!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm sorry to hear about your loss it is a terrible event. Congratulations are in order for the 20 mile run!

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is deeply moving. I'm so sorry this happened. It sounds like it impacted you in a significant way. I don't have any advice for how to move forward, but I just want to say that the way you are handling it (thoughtfully, respectfully, and as an important moment in your life) is really honorable. When you're ready to return to blogging and whatever, we are here for you!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sometimes, life throws us crazy stuff, and not in a good way. Thinking of you, and of all your friend's friends & family. An impossible situation, really - and no words I can offer will do much to change anything.

    But do remember to take care of yourself - mentally, physically, emotionally. That may mean pushing for more, or it may mean taking a few moments to accept where and who you are, and just being still. No matter what, care for yourself. Do what you need. We're here, when you're ready or if you need...

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine what you're going through. Great job on your 20 miles.

    ReplyDelete